Sachsenhausen

Yesterday I went to the Sachsenhausen concentration camp. Obviously it was horrific. Such a bleak, bleak day. Even the journey to it was horrible. I felt myself battling this feeling of guilt at even going there; Am I completely sick and morbid for even wanting to see it? Why do I even want to see it?

Being there was like nothing I can really explain. It's beyond a feeling of sadness. I felt uncomfortable with each and every step I took around the place... like it was still way too far beyond my comprehension and I shouldn't really be here. You go with the same intention you have when going to any kind of memorial or exhibition and that is a desire for knowledge, but no matter how intensely you listen to the audioguide, there is still this constant haze around everything you are being taught.

It upset me, but then, I knew it was going to. But what I didn't expect was how the behaviour of other people there would bother me. I find the desire to take pictures of certain things really, really unnerving. Walking around a place like that, snapping away... it just feels odd. Are people sitting around, showing off their holiday snaps and saying things like "This is where they dug the mass graves... oh, and this is where the carried out the executions." I just don't get it. Honestly, when it comes to remembering such things, no photo is necessary. And taking pictures of what you see is one thing, but when we were making our way out, I was totally dumbfounded . You leave the way you came in, walking through the main entrance that separates the prisoners camp from the command headquarters. As we were walking through, three people were taking pictures of themselves in front of the watch tower that surrounded the entrance gate. I just can't fathom it. Pictures of themselves smiling (smiling?) in front of a tower that enabled SS guards to keep watch and ultimately shoot the prisoners they deemed worthy of such a fate. I posed in a similar fashion with Goofy and Pluto at Disneyworld. Am I wrong to think that is the most insane thing in the world to want to do? I mean honestly... what are you going to do with those pictures? Pop them in a little frame from Ikea and stick it on your bedside table?

Anyway. Dark, dark day. You have no idea how much Jedward I had to watch on youtube last night to direct my mind elsewhere and actually get too sleep. I don't care if it is wrong, Jedward are funny.